Official Rules

Welcome to the madness. Below are the official rules of the race. Read them carefully, because ignorance, rationalizations, or “creative interpretations” will not save you from penalties, humiliation, or the dreaded Bullshit Factor (BSF).

1. Budget & Boat Acquisition

  • Maximum Budget: Boats must be acquired and prepared for no more than $5,000 total, exclusive of safety gear.
  • No Rationalizations:
    • “It should be worth $5,000” → Nope.
    • “It was worth $5,000 before I dropped another $4,000 fixing it” → Nope.
    • “I’ve owned it 20 years, so it doesn’t count” → Nice try, still nope.
    • Five thousand dollars means five thousand dollars. Period.

2. Parts & Equipment

  • Parts Cost:
    • “Free” parts, buddy donations, leftovers from your garage, or items “lying around” still count.
    • The price is what the last real buyer actually paid. Don’t get clever.
  • Safety Equipment Exemption:
    • Safety gear does not count toward the $5,000 cap.
    • Includes: fire extinguishers, life preservers, navigation lights, anchors, VHF radios, flares, bilge pumps, etc.
    • “Safety” means items that directly save the crew’s lives.
  • Registration & Insurance:
    • Also exempt. Those costs do not count toward the $5,000 cap.

3. Sponsorship & Labor

  • Sponsorships:
    • Got a sponsor to give you parts or cash? Good hustle, but it still counts toward your $5,000.
    • Spend that sponsorship money on hotels, gas, entry fees, pedicures, or matching swimsuits instead.
  • Labor:
    • If you didn’t pay for labor, it doesn’t count.
    • If you did pay for it, it does count. (No exceptions.)

4. Buy, Sell, Swap

  • Net Pricing (a.k.a. Scavenger Sales):
    • If you sell parts of your boat, the cash you earn can offset your purchase price.
    • Be ready to prove every transaction to judges who will assume you’re lying until proven otherwise.

5. Inspections & The Bullshit Factor

  • Pre-Race Inspection:
    • All boats will be inspected by a Panel of Judges before the race.
    • Teams must present receipts, photos, or other evidence of purchase/prep costs.
    • Creative storytelling is acceptable, but beware: the panel has heard it all.
  • The Bullshit Factor (BSF):
    • If judges believe you exceeded the $5,000 cap, they will assign 1 BSF per $100 over the limit.
    • Each BSF = 3 hours of docked race time.
    • Example: $700 over = 7 BSF = 21 hours penalty. Good luck making that up.
  • Appeals:
    • Don’t even think about it. There is no appeal of BSF rulings. The panel is the law.

6. General Conduct

  • Spirit of the Race:
    • This is a budget race, not a rich-man’s regatta. Play fair.
    • Anyone caught flagrantly cheating risks disqualification and eternal mockery.
  • Safety First:
    • The race is for fun, not funerals. Failure to carry proper safety gear = automatic DQ.
  • Respect the River:
    • Follow navigation laws, be courteous to commercial traffic, and don’t destroy the waterways.

7. Final Word

At the end of the day, this race is about creativity, adventure, and pushing questionable vessels down a very long river. We’re here to celebrate ingenuity and have fun—not argue over accounting tricks.

Summary: Build cheap, be safe, accept judgment, and enjoy the ride.